I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Are we still banned from the library?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
