I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
