You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
third nipple confirmed
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
