I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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