My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
