Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
