I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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