I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
