he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
