Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
