is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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