I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
