Don't make out with my wife yet
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
