So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
