uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Quick, to the slutcave!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
