You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
