Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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