Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
