dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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