I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
