I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
