We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
