i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
