Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
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I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
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Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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