im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
