Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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