Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize