I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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