Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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