I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
