Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
