I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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