Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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