Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
