My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
