if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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