i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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