Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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