Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
