we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Randomize
