Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
bring money and cleavage
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
