When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
