A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize