Me. At least after what I've been through.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
