ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
