You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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