i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
