your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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