I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
