guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
