I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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