anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He did a backflip because drugs
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