tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My cat gives me a boner
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
