I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
