I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
