I'm eating all of the evidence.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
