he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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