God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
