I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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