You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
