My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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