Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
