Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
